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I'm going to Europe this summer. [03 Nov 2007|04:01pm]
[ mood | happy ]


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Bringin back the old school BONERBONERBONERBONER [17 Jul 2007|05:53pm]
[ mood | Robotic ]

Want to know the real Jim? Take a look what he's actually like behind all those masks.

I've come to a shitty realization that I have wanted to deny so badly. I'm not an interesting person. I'm boring. I don't really see anything particularly appealing about me. I'm a mediocre musician. I'm a mediocre student. I'm lazy. I'm only moderately intelligent. I'm not that witty. I'm not terribly attractive. I spend too much time on the internet looking at stupid shit. I've never been in a fist fight. I'm overly nice to people and don't really tell them how I feel. I want to experience everything but I think I spread myself too thin and don't accomplish a damn thing of significance. I leech off of other people to make myself seem more exciting but this just makes it worse because even the slightest nuances of seemingly original things that come out of me are just rehashed bullshit. I have terrible skin. I've had only moderate success with women. I'm not sure but I think I'm becoming extremely self-centered. I'm unappreciative of what has been given to me. Apparently I like throwing pity parties. I'm not as creative as I want to be. I'm addicted to cigarettes (10 days since I've had one though, so that's a minor plus) and alcohol. I wouldn't be terribly surprised if I became a pot head or worse. I don't exercise enough. I don't care enough about politics to make a difference. I never follow through with projects I want to do. I lack responsibility. I lack the ambition to want some. I have weird habits that are hard to explain. My sleep schedule is wrecked. I have a hard time communicating with people. I get flustered and slur my speech even when not under the influence. I bite my tongue when I know I should speak up. I think I'm a coward. I hate confrontation. People yelling at each other in anger really fucks me up mentally (thanks Mom and Dad, I know you didn't mean to though so don't worry). I'm numb. I don't give a fuck. I don't want your sympathy and last but not least I fucking hate myself and want to press the ol' restart button on the Nintendo sometimes.

That about sums me up in a nut shell. At least I'm friendly. And I actually feel a little better after writing all this shit down. Who would've thought that self loathing could be therapeutic.

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Hmmm.. [10 May 2007|03:07am]
It has been so long since I've typed in this thing. I'm almost scared to type out how I truly feel. My thoughts, emotions and all that bullshit is crammed so deeply into my mind that showing it to anyone else has become absolutely frightening. But fuck it. Every once in a while when I'm drunk, high or intoxicated on some other level I'll have the most brilliant image of myself being open with people. I see myself walking up to my mother and giving her the most heartfelt hug as I tell her how much I love her and appreciate what she has done for me and how hard she works for it happen. I see myself looking my best friends dead in the eye and telling them how much they have affected my life and made a difference. How they have truly made my life interesting and something worth living. I see myself going to my grandparents' homes and asking them to tell me about their lives and what they have gone through. But I don't do it. I wake up and feel the same numb sensation I felt the day before. The only emotions I feel on a day to day basis are stress, laughter and annoyance. Laughter is the only thing keeping me afloat sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm depressed, but there's nothing to be depressed about. I'm not starving, I'm not held under gunpoint by a totalitarian government, I wasn't raped by my local priest. What the fuck is wrong with me? I know everyone feels this way at some point, but it's so hard to understand why. Am I missing Jesus in my life? HAH. Maybe I should start my own religion. It'll be a lot like Buddhism but with a way more drinking. And smoking. Either way, I love you all.

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Who would've thought on a trip to Barnes and Noble.... [07 Feb 2006|04:44pm]
isawthebloodboil: god damn, weird shit just happens to me sometimes man
its ethernet: hahahaha
its ethernet: like what?
isawthebloodboil: check this out
isawthebloodboil: so im driving my brother to the barnes and noble in oceanside right because he needs to get romeo and juliet for his class right
isawthebloodboil: its not there so we take off to go to the escondido one
isawthebloodboil: out in the parking lot some chick comes up to me asking if i have a cigarette or know where to get some
isawthebloodboil: i thought i had some so i said i'd get it from my truck, she follows my brother and i and i forgot i left them at home so she asks if i can take her to the gas station over by big 5. at this point i can tell shes tweaked out but i give her a ride anyways
isawthebloodboil: she says to me "i'll show you my tits if you want" and i reply by saying "nah it's ok." she doesnt seem to hear me and right there in front of my little 13 year old brother and me in the truck she just whips out her tits
its ethernet: HAHAHA weird shit always happens when you give tweakers rides places, man.
its ethernet: HAHAHA
its ethernet: THATS AWESOME
its ethernet: was she ugly?
isawthebloodboil: she wasnt ugly, but she wasnt hot
isawthebloodboil: not a bad rack
its ethernet: sweet deal. free tits is never bad.
isawthebloodboil: so i was torn between kinda protecting my little brother and wanting to see tits so i just tell her to put em away
isawthebloodboil: but it was funny as hell
its ethernet: thats fucking hilarious
its ethernet: rofllll
isawthebloodboil: that and she left her lighter
isawthebloodboil: score
7 comments|post comment

Fucking shit fuck asshole cock bitch cunt prick piss shit [05 Jan 2006|01:56am]
[ mood | Fucked ]

Are relationships supposed to be really really really fucking hard to make work? No seriously, give me your honest opinion. I wouldn't be so fucked in the head right now if I didn't truly love her. FUCK.

11 comments|post comment

Maui Waui! [07 Oct 2005|11:55pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Maui is radical. I'd love to live here, the beaches are warmer than the pools! But anyways I have a shit load of pictures and all that jazz for everyone to see when I get back on Sunday. Everyone do yourself a favor and check out the new Thrice, it's pretty damn cool. Way different from anything they've done thus far. Just thought I'd throw up a little update from Hawaii. Be home soon.

Love, Jim.

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Back to school... Back to schoool... [02 Sep 2005|03:43pm]
You know the song. Sitting here bored in the library. They have foiled all my attempts to access myspace... fuckers! Let's get gnar gnar tonight. Word.
3 comments|post comment

Subject [02 Jul 2005|04:18am]
I love you Midori Tabata. I will always be there for you. Please know that.

Love, Jim
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[25 Mar 2005|02:37am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

What a wreck... the mind is a fragile mess of near-meaningless opinions that no one cares about but the one who thinks them. Sympathy is nothing but an act of getting attention, something I could definitely care less about. I can solve it myself. You fucking liar. I know what I want. Like hell you do. I know who I am. Insignificant, unappreciative, lost... yeah you nailed it. I'm sad. You don't know what sad is. I'm happy. It's not real. Too many people put too much faith in me. Correct! This wall is the only thing I know. Tell him what he's won! You can only change yourself. Hypocrisy? YES. I want to make a difference. You wont son, but better luck next time. Without change there is no progress. Maybe this kid ain't so stupid. I know what I love. Well... can't argue that. There is rarely a happy ending let's not kid ourselves. Yeah yeah. I'm a fucking robot. Do something about it. I will. Yeah? Well you're on your way, because robots aren't fucking insane, but apparently you are.

I just want to make a difference.

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So I'm sitting here... [07 Mar 2005|09:56am]
[ mood | relieved ]

And I start realizing all the insecurities I have about being a college student. When I put it all into perspective it's pretty damn funny so I'm gonna post it all here, courtesy of schools' library computers where I will bodly defy the computer usage agreement I probably signed somewhere in the contract agreements of becoming a student here at San Diego State University (which I noticeably break on a minute basis).

As I sit here in the library an hour before my Calculus 151 class copying answers out of the solutions manual (thank you Mr. Brock for mostly assigning odd problems but god damn you when you throw an even in there. FUCK number 40) and think how I got here. As most of my friends know I only have classes mwf. BUT, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, I have a math class on Tuesdays that I just don't go to because I'm a bad kid and like to sleep. Basically what this means is during the 2 hour break between my physics and math classes on monday it consists of me copying furiously out of the solutions manual praying to christ that I wont have to drive down on tuesdays to turn in my homework. This is the day we turn it in and it's in my best interest to give it to someone monday during class so they can turn it in for me. This brings up the trouble I have doing the homework. It's the convicting glances of my fellow Aztecs and how they demean me in their eyes as they see me copying the answers quite obviously out of the solution manual. HEY! FUCK YOU! Mr. Holier than thou. Don't look at me like I'm some sort of criminal. For some reason I'm scared of others being better students than I coughwhichtheyarecough and knowing I suck. I'm sure they suck just as much as I do though coughdillusionalcough and that they put this shit off just like me. Horray, I finished my math in time.

15 comments|post comment

Shiggity Shwa [04 Feb 2005|09:07am]
[ mood | content ]

Sitting here in the computer lab at my school bored out of my mind makes me realize I need to make more friends down here hah. I haven't exactly tried all that hard and even though there are a few people who I am friends with it doesn't really give me any reason to hang out here. It's cool though since I have my sweet ass homies in ol' Vista. We really do need to figure out more things to do than drink and create massive amounts of vandalism though. I say we brainstorm and come up with a monster list of immense proportions. Actually scratch that, I think we all know we're far too lazy to do something of that sort.

15 comments|post comment

Blah blah blah [11 Jan 2005|10:33pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

How peaceful would it be to just lay at the bottom of the ocean... Just watch fish swim by, stare into the deep blue and not have anything to worry about. Float weightlessly in a state of total relaxation, the cool water fueling a connection between you and the environment. The only problem is, nothing else would be on my mind but her... maybe that's not a bad thing though? Hmmm. Patience, that blending of moral courage with physical timidity. What to do, what to do... (my dictionary of quotations kicks ass)

My band has a real show. Yaaaaaaay. Please tell me if you want to go, my band needs to sell a shit load of presale tickets. I'll love you forever:
Jan 22nd
Hogue Barmichaels
3950 Campus Dr., Newport Beach, CA.

Band My Brothers
Beauty Till Death

7 comments|post comment

Bring it [01 Dec 2004|11:24am]
[ mood | stressed ]

#5 Kawada
"I'm a survior, of this f*cking game."
- #5 Kawada

Which Battle Royale Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

5 comments|post comment

Hmmhmmhmm [29 Nov 2004|01:47am]
[ mood | blank ]

Boring Sunday. The only things of interest are the initiation of our newest friend the camelback and an exploding CD. Camelback + alcohol = genius. CD + bending in half = Boner from the crazy explosion. Why don't they put this stuff in the math books? Over and out. -Jim

3 comments|post comment

Shwing [22 Nov 2004|03:18pm]
[ mood | Wrrrrrkkkkkyyyyyaaahhh ]

Some dude is sitting across from me in this computer room with a diesel beanie. I bet it cost him $50, fucking tool. I'm bummed because I have to stay here until 7 and work on some gay ass group project. I'd rather be home hanging out with the friendlies rather than group member... Mark. jkansdkjnfasjkndfnalsdnfualidhf. I don't even know if the rest of my group sent us their shit for the project :( Anywho, my family got trapped in the mountains because of the snow storm so they had to stay an extra day. I'm glad I didn't go, that place can be fucking boring as my family isn't particularly exciting. It was sweet having the house to myself for a few days. Saturday night was almost perfect... hopefully the time will come. Hopefully. Over and out. -Jim

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Yeah [17 Nov 2004|04:52am]
[ mood | drunk ]

As much as I'd like to admit this is a liberating moment in my life, it really isn't. "Discuss it later" seems almost like a synonym for you fucked it up, now figure it out. I like that though, I want to figure it out for myself. I'm falling for someone and I'm not afraid to admit it. I meant every word I said. Good night.

6 comments|post comment

A Toast... [08 Nov 2004|01:39am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

...to new beginnings. Cheers all, don't leave me hangin'.

13 comments|post comment

iuagsefkgaskjedf [12 Sep 2004|05:31am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I tried writing something cool. Twice. But it sucked both times. I give up. Fucking Postal Service.

5 comments|post comment

!@#$%^&*() [20 Aug 2004|03:08am]
[ mood | Meh ]

Boredom has gotten the upper hand! In doing so I now have subjected myself to writing in this thing. Blast! The Circular Rift recorded tonight. We did 4 drum tracks, it should be a lot nicer than the shit we did before. We did songs 3, 5, 6 and 7... hah. We don't believe in song titles as you may have noticed. I want to tear apart songs 1, 2 and 4 and turn it into one gnarly ass all-star song. Only the coolest riffs will survive. Wrote a bunch of new stuff with the guys in the other band... don't really know what we are called, but that stuff is fun. I end up writing riffs I can't play and it's pretty damn entertaining.

Burnt By the Sun, Premonitions of War and Between the Buried and Me tomorr... tonight at the che. It's going to be bonkers. Go to these shows:

Wednesday, August 25th
Live bands: Xiu Xiu, Casiotone for the Painfully Alone, Tara Jane O'Neil, and lowcloudcover - 8PM, Price TBA (che cafe)

10/06/04 The Casbah Presents:
The Blood Brothers
Against Me!
True North 7:00 $10 (epicentre)

10/09/04 13esr presents:
Cave In
Between The Buried And Me 6:30 $12 (epicentre)

10/15/04 13esr presents:
The Black Dahlia Murder
Remembering Never 6:30 $10/12 (epicentre)

Fun fun. I'm gonna try to unsuck myself at guitar. Should be very difficult.

4 comments|post comment

A post! [02 Aug 2004|01:31am]
[ mood | blank ]

All is quiet on the front. New friends, old friends, it's fun to hang out with all the friends. Band practice, band practice, band practice. Eric broke his hand, so I'm covering for the homies in Synthecoma, come check out a show sometime. Cursive is still one of my favorite bands, I lah them. Um... I dunno what's going on, college starts soon. I'm going to be an engineer? Apparently so. Neighbors from a long time ago who moved out are moving in again, kind of cool. I'm really fucking bored, someone save me. Please? Stream of conciousness is the only way to write these damn things.

Over and out

6 comments|post comment

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